Emotional Support Cheetah

I Want an Emotional Support Cheetah

I'm always envious of the students who have emotional support dogs. They get to come home to an animal that cares about them. Those students have something to care for. They have a best friend that's always there for a walk or to cuddle, and I wish I had something of my own to take care of and something that would take care of me.

So many times, life is difficult. I went to a funeral a few weeks ago, which was sad, but what was more frightening was the argument I witnessed in a McDonalds when a man tried to steal a soda and paid for it after he got caught and then accused the manager as being racist so loudly that the police had to be called.

If only I had my emotional support cheetah, nobody would mess with me. I would never feel scared because I can always cuddle with my cheetah and she would always be there to protect me from any unarmed individual. I would never feel scared again. I could go up to my Calc 2 professor and have the support I need to confront her about the "D" on my test and explain that I do not think I deserve the grade that I received and ask if I can re-test or change my grade. But alas, I do not have an emotional support cheetah, and I do not have the confidence to confront her.

So for anyone listening, if you know of someone I can purchase an emotional support cheetah from, please get me in touch. I would name her bubbles and treat her so amazingly well. I will purchase a vast plot of land and take care of her.