Parents Arguing About Clutter
This time, my parents are arguing about clutter. My dad collects a lot of things; much of it is stuff he does not need. I constantly see him spending time organizing and reorganizing his stuff. He spends more time with consumerist products than creating anything or doing anything productive. Why does he do this? In short, my mother is holding him back. He told me in the car yesterday that he feels like he can’t go out after 9PM if he wants to without getting into trouble, but the truth is that he’s 54 years old and his life is important. If that means going out to get a beer at 9PM on a Saturday, he should be allowed to do so. So instead, he goes and works on his meaningless projects. They’re meaningful for him because it lets him avoid my mother, who seems to yell and harshly make fun of him. She’s using a really strong tone of voice and my dad is just taking it in - and for good reasons too. Whenever he fights back (not physically of course), he loses and it usually ends poorly.
I think my dad is more agreeable and tries to be kinder, but to a fault. He tries to avoid conflict almost at all costs, but sometimes, conflict is necessary for him to not get walked all over. This is where marriage scares me - my mother is dominant and my dad is not living a good life. They always say they won’t get divorced, but I really do think they need a break or at least a marriage counsellor. My mother is driven by her emotions, and I can empathize with her why she’s upset at my dad’s clutter. Frankly the house sucks because there is too much stuff, so much so that I think life would be better if the house caught on fire, burned down, and they had to start over again. Of course, we’re insured and wouldn’t lose much money… only the initial time spent to re-build and deal with insurance, but I think it would give them a chance to start over. Instead of dealing with paperwork that only generates more paperwork, they could start over, get past their loss aversion, and be happier.
I also think they should live in separate cottages. I’m going to record a ~10 minute episode for a segment in Shitshow Productions, talk about this argument, and why I want a prenuptial agreement put in place. By analyzing what is going wrong, I’ll be able to talk about my expectations with my future wife, before we get married so we’re absolutely clear what we value before we get married.
Is this a bad thing? I definitely think it will prevent me from dating, getting married more quickly… but I want a marriage done right. Not me changing how I behave to match her expectations, only to get married and for her to find out I don’t enjoy my marriage and she doesn’t enjoy hers.
Right now, the most important part of a marriage is that I come first.
I always turn back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, and minus the sex part, safety is important to me. Safety includes my personal employment, healthy, and of my family. If my wife is taking away from any of those qualities, I’ll feel less “safe,” and the rest of my pyramid will be out of wack.
You can subscribe to Shitshow productions with the URL http://shitshow.mchase.me. If you’re using iTunes, make sure to include the “http://“ part.
I think my dad is more agreeable and tries to be kinder, but to a fault. He tries to avoid conflict almost at all costs, but sometimes, conflict is necessary for him to not get walked all over. This is where marriage scares me - my mother is dominant and my dad is not living a good life. They always say they won’t get divorced, but I really do think they need a break or at least a marriage counsellor. My mother is driven by her emotions, and I can empathize with her why she’s upset at my dad’s clutter. Frankly the house sucks because there is too much stuff, so much so that I think life would be better if the house caught on fire, burned down, and they had to start over again. Of course, we’re insured and wouldn’t lose much money… only the initial time spent to re-build and deal with insurance, but I think it would give them a chance to start over. Instead of dealing with paperwork that only generates more paperwork, they could start over, get past their loss aversion, and be happier.
I also think they should live in separate cottages. I’m going to record a ~10 minute episode for a segment in Shitshow Productions, talk about this argument, and why I want a prenuptial agreement put in place. By analyzing what is going wrong, I’ll be able to talk about my expectations with my future wife, before we get married so we’re absolutely clear what we value before we get married.
Is this a bad thing? I definitely think it will prevent me from dating, getting married more quickly… but I want a marriage done right. Not me changing how I behave to match her expectations, only to get married and for her to find out I don’t enjoy my marriage and she doesn’t enjoy hers.
Right now, the most important part of a marriage is that I come first.
You can subscribe to Shitshow productions with the URL http://shitshow.mchase.me. If you’re using iTunes, make sure to include the “http://“ part.
