Everybody Still lies.
Context: recently, one of my friends told me to waste $10 on a survey that tells me more about myself. Matt Hildelbrandt, not being an idiot, led me to trust him to buy what is essentially a self-help book tailored to me. I suppose it's less of a self-help book in a sense that I have to figure out how to change my lifestyle in my own way and see what I like or dislike; however, it gives me the tools to do what I've spent 70% of this blog doing: figuring out my own stupid identity and sharing this search with you all. Why you read my blog - I don't know, but it means I'm doing something right.
You can read my 16-page results here. Fun fact, I am in the 21st percentile for enthusiasm. I think I put on a good façade and I probably will for the next 5+ years of pretending to care about things I don't care about for the sake of having friends in college knowing that they'll be different 30 days. If you're reading this and start ranting about your sorority stuff, stop and ask me if I care.
I'll likely lie and say yes because I rank 95% on the "agreeableness" spectrum. Don't take it personal. I lie to everyone in order to avoid conflict - especially my mother who doesn't know I've been driving cars after my traumatic brain injury, booked a weekend trip to Paris, really want to fly planes or do Compsci work for the air-force, or have a significant sum of money because she doesn't understand bitcoin or etherium and I don't feel like explaining it to her because she'll make me move out and pay my own bills. The last time I told her about the air force, she kept going on about the dangers and how it's not for me. I guess it's not for me... because she told me so, but that's not good enough for me anymore. I want to figure out some things for myself; that doesn't mean signing up for the air-force, but that means talking to a recruiter and a few people in it. Still, she loves me very much. I feel bad for lying to her and not being able to tell the truth, but there's a lot at stake if I screw things up with my mother, so I just avoid it all together by listening to her reasonable requests (at college) and sucking up to her against another side of me that wants to live my own life.
That will change, but not now.
I'm also socially exhausted. I just want to live in my dorm for another week and watch Netflix. I used to make fun of people for doing that, but it sounds really nice right about now.
I put "write about my guilty pleasures" on my to-do list to write about. That'll be the next post when I have a moment of exuberance. I'm going to take a nap.
You can read my 16-page results here. Fun fact, I am in the 21st percentile for enthusiasm. I think I put on a good façade and I probably will for the next 5+ years of pretending to care about things I don't care about for the sake of having friends in college knowing that they'll be different 30 days. If you're reading this and start ranting about your sorority stuff, stop and ask me if I care.
I'll likely lie and say yes because I rank 95% on the "agreeableness" spectrum. Don't take it personal. I lie to everyone in order to avoid conflict - especially my mother who doesn't know I've been driving cars after my traumatic brain injury, booked a weekend trip to Paris, really want to fly planes or do Compsci work for the air-force, or have a significant sum of money because she doesn't understand bitcoin or etherium and I don't feel like explaining it to her because she'll make me move out and pay my own bills. The last time I told her about the air force, she kept going on about the dangers and how it's not for me. I guess it's not for me... because she told me so, but that's not good enough for me anymore. I want to figure out some things for myself; that doesn't mean signing up for the air-force, but that means talking to a recruiter and a few people in it. Still, she loves me very much. I feel bad for lying to her and not being able to tell the truth, but there's a lot at stake if I screw things up with my mother, so I just avoid it all together by listening to her reasonable requests (at college) and sucking up to her against another side of me that wants to live my own life.
That will change, but not now.
I'm also socially exhausted. I just want to live in my dorm for another week and watch Netflix. I used to make fun of people for doing that, but it sounds really nice right about now.
I put "write about my guilty pleasures" on my to-do list to write about. That'll be the next post when I have a moment of exuberance. I'm going to take a nap.
