Marriage, Offending People, Friendships, Wasted Time.
Squish
1. In the asexual community, the equivalent of a "crush", but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a sexual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are "in a relationship", as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from "just wanting to be friends" in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back.
I think the word squish might be a bit intense to describe Mo Stinehart and I.
Actually, it isn't. I truly have a squish on Mo Stinehart. She was the first acquaintance I had in Boll Theatre where I'm currently working. Her and I worked in rigging for Grease. When Jack DeStephano, our stage manager called out a cue, we would look at each other and say: "STANDING BY" at the same time. It was cute, and once I came in with a Beatles T-shirt. The Beatles is her favorite band.
Grease - I think was the first show I worked. I worked a second show before I get hired but it's escaping me now... oh yeah, it was Spectacle. Spectacle was a poorly written show composed by collaborating artists which never took a screenwriting class. Given the time, I could write a better script - no exaggeration. The most intense scene (and main conflict?) of Fr. Chaminade being arrested is resolved one scene later. Let's not talk about that now.
Another topic to flesh out is people again getting way too busy to enjoy life resulting in unhappiness.
A third is a new-founded disrespect for people who use social media platforms when I'm sitting right next to them... though that might be the world we live in today. I texted Becca Trumbull inside Boll that I wanted to talk with her (and admitted I didn't know what about...) and she looked at me and giggled for a second and went back to her phone. That made me a bit mad inside - I said nothing to her.
Fourth is the arguments against understanding the world - especially reading pop culture for my English class. It's making me understand the world in a more critical and sadly clinical way. Maybe it's good - maybe it's bad. It is changing the way I behave. I'm standing up for myself more and realizing the world is crap. The problem with standing up for yourself and having opinions is people will manipulate your words and people will think you are a shit-head because you dislike things.
There's a nice comic I found on reddit one time.
Dear redditor, please don't sue me. Maybe it's time for me to start an LLC so I can let my company go bankrupt before I do. Actually knowing reddit it was probably stolen before posted on reddit.
So - I'm taking small risks now when before I would not. I'm posting someone else's photo of a person getting married. I'm posting a comic I didn't create so someone could sue me for the $0.01 I make on it. But in the end I'd face $10,000 in legal fees to make a settlement of $0.01 or something. That would never happen - I'd just get a DMCA request.
The goal was to make the last 10 paragraphs a lot quicker than it was. Oops. Again.
ANYWAYS... Mo. My Squish. Someone I had a small friendship with. Or maybe I'm longing for a friendship that was never there outside that one week in rigging together. I love the word "Squsih" because I can call her "mine." Using the language doesn't require consent because it's implied that it's one way. It's like calling someone a crush - it suggests it's one way. Mo doesn't know I'm writing this, though perhaps I'll share one day.
The big news. I watched Mo get proposed by Drew, her boyfriend tonight after an excellent performance of Good N' Plenty. It will be something the two fo them remember forever and ever, but I watched it under the iCue without knowing what was going on. Then I watched the two kiss for really long and though this was normal for them. They were mostly alone, Logan was photographing it, some of the older theater peeps were there and I so happened to be grabbing my stuff before continuing to talk to friends, which, after this make me feel like only an acquaintance. I didn't know what was going until I saw this in our workplace group chat, called Rachel Brinkman (senior, graduating) and confirmed this is marriage.
----
Several hours later. VWK fire alarm went off.
So - Mo and Brinkles and Drew and Tessa Jatczak are off doing real things and making real friendships and I just went to a Studio Theatre party. I took Clay10 Palmer and got to know him better. I also made rock climbing plans with Abby Wolf, someone I barley know. She's a freshman in Studio, and Clayton said she was cute. It's something that never crossed my mind... nice is a vague word I'd use to describe her. She let me be my slightly obnoxious self around her and said yes to rock climbing. With me (acquaintances) and a stranger. I would not have said yes last year as a freshman - but good for her.
I used to think that college relationships were stupid. In the beginning of last year, I started to think that they're not stupid, but they're formative. Now, watching my friends undergoing the closest of relationships, I'm finding it to be necessary if done carefully. My favorite relationships are the ones I do not know about.
But - love and kids and the rest of your life with someone all take time, and they all take work. Until now, marriage was supposed to be far in the future; part of adult life. But wouldn't it be nice to me married to someone who shared the same formative experiences as I do? Even if John Cena is dating someone unlike her and making gay jokes to his girlfriend - they're both living at UD, complaining about UD, learning about friends and their passions.
Dating for the sake of dating was once something I discouraged. Now, I think it's necessary. If we keep striving for perfection and waiting for a Disney-World standard of finding a girl with large eyes marrying a rich prince who's strong then we'll never find them. We'll never get married. We'll never date. We'll never even be best friends... and with Mo, I wouldn't even call us friends... yet.
I have a CMM351 public speaking persuasive speech to give. There's a great courses storytelling class I'm taking. Perhaps this will be the story I tell. Cliche? Maybe, but a story with the friend who never was [a friend] might be a good jumping point. Though I hope she is a friend, and I hope we become friends we don't show it. And if I cannot back up my claim of friendship with any recent evidence, then that claim of friendship ceases to be true.
Friendship is a term too easily tossed around. They supposedly last until death, so it feels like. But friendship:
I sometimes wonder why I go to parties when I usually get nothing out of it. This time, I got a rock climbing date set for next Saturday afternoon.
----
Next time: Is making someone comfortable and asking for consent (non-sex related festivities) only making others more uncomfortable? Does it diminish your confidence, your character? Radiolab says... spoilers: Radiolab SexEd?)
----
Mo - if you're reading this somehow, somewhere, sometime. Congratulations on your future marriage; I am truly happy for you. I'm sorry I did not take the time to become friends with you. I hope that changes in the 40 days we have left together.
Several hours later. VWK fire alarm went off.
So - Mo and Brinkles and Drew and Tessa Jatczak are off doing real things and making real friendships and I just went to a Studio Theatre party. I took Clay10 Palmer and got to know him better. I also made rock climbing plans with Abby Wolf, someone I barley know. She's a freshman in Studio, and Clayton said she was cute. It's something that never crossed my mind... nice is a vague word I'd use to describe her. She let me be my slightly obnoxious self around her and said yes to rock climbing. With me (acquaintances) and a stranger. I would not have said yes last year as a freshman - but good for her.
I used to think that college relationships were stupid. In the beginning of last year, I started to think that they're not stupid, but they're formative. Now, watching my friends undergoing the closest of relationships, I'm finding it to be necessary if done carefully. My favorite relationships are the ones I do not know about.
But - love and kids and the rest of your life with someone all take time, and they all take work. Until now, marriage was supposed to be far in the future; part of adult life. But wouldn't it be nice to me married to someone who shared the same formative experiences as I do? Even if John Cena is dating someone unlike her and making gay jokes to his girlfriend - they're both living at UD, complaining about UD, learning about friends and their passions.
Dating for the sake of dating was once something I discouraged. Now, I think it's necessary. If we keep striving for perfection and waiting for a Disney-World standard of finding a girl with large eyes marrying a rich prince who's strong then we'll never find them. We'll never get married. We'll never date. We'll never even be best friends... and with Mo, I wouldn't even call us friends... yet.
I have a CMM351 public speaking persuasive speech to give. There's a great courses storytelling class I'm taking. Perhaps this will be the story I tell. Cliche? Maybe, but a story with the friend who never was [a friend] might be a good jumping point. Though I hope she is a friend, and I hope we become friends we don't show it. And if I cannot back up my claim of friendship with any recent evidence, then that claim of friendship ceases to be true.
Friendship is a term too easily tossed around. They supposedly last until death, so it feels like. But friendship:
1. a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
I sometimes wonder why I go to parties when I usually get nothing out of it. This time, I got a rock climbing date set for next Saturday afternoon.
----
Next time: Is making someone comfortable and asking for consent (non-sex related festivities) only making others more uncomfortable? Does it diminish your confidence, your character? Radiolab says... spoilers: Radiolab SexEd?)
----
Mo - if you're reading this somehow, somewhere, sometime. Congratulations on your future marriage; I am truly happy for you. I'm sorry I did not take the time to become friends with you. I hope that changes in the 40 days we have left together.
