Tales From an Assistant Stage Manager and My Efforts to Become a Better Person
My drawing of Breakmaster Cylinder, my favorite composer.
Misery loves company, I thought as I texted Meghan Passion, a friend, a few nights ago, to see if I could spend some time with her. It was midnight on a Tuesday. I had finished working in the theater, and I had lots of experiences, but nobody to share them with. Normally, the cast is filled with a plethora of drama; instead, I'm the one undergoing that.
A lot has happened in this month, large and small. The small adds up and quickly overwhelms the big things that actually matter. Namely, I switched majors to performance technology from engineering. I truly believe that being the lighting director, going on tours, and traveling the world is what I want to do with the next ten or fifteen years of my life. The theater industry never fails to inspire me with awe and hope for the future. However, I can't help but face the ignominy of exiting the STEM field. I may add a computer science major if I'm able to. If not, I will minor in both computer science and music technology.
Switching to performance technology is in my best interests, but what I am uncertain about are the other aspects of my life. Within that one-month time period, I've surrounded myself with new friends, and with that, I've let the old ones slip more than I like to admit. The four people I hung out with most, Allison Smith, Kristin Fraley, Hunter Egan, and Dani Monin, and I have grown apart. Nothing instigated this distancing of my four friends but time itself. Perhaps that's not true, but I find that it's hard to be friends with others when there's no chain keeping you together (ie. work/theater/any common goal), friendships don't last. I've told Ally that I miss spending time with them, but I wish all of them knew the extent to which I miss them. Hopefully, after theater ends and Ally feels better (she's been sick), we will spend more time adventuring together.
Additionally, I've introduced myself to three new friend groups. I'd like to say that we're all friends, but it's too early to say. The largest of which is the ultimate frisbee team. I suggested to Madi Fields, an old chem lab partner, that we go and get ice cream one day. She happened to bring all of her friends and suddenly, we had a group of ten people at Panera, then at Ben & Jerry's. None of them know this, but I changed my demeanor to something completely new, and it worked out for the better. I analyzed myself a bit, and decided to take on the roll of an energetic, youthful student. I've became friends with most people in that friend group - perhaps acquaintanced is a better word for now.
A quick clarification for my future self. At the moment, I consider a friend to be someone that I can I could invite over to my dorm to play a game of sorry and fully expect them to a) want show up, and b) be completely comfortable (to my knowledge) spending time with me 1-on-1. I consider an acquaintance to be someone I know about, and someone I can say hi and hold a conversation with. However, if I asked an acquaintance (i.e. not Madi/Mikey Mike/Rachel) to come over to my dorm, it would raise some questions. Normal people call them friends - but I prefer to make that distinction.
Our last game of ultimate frisbee is on Sunday. I worry that my time with that group is dwindling. In my time as a freshman, so many of my friends have come and gone, simply because people go in their own directions. Although we're still friends, we do not engage any activities together. Though it sounds depressing, I believe it's normal for that to happen, and although that's unsettling, I'm okay with that. I know eventually, I will find more permanent friends, that is, the friends here that I can team up together with to do amazing things in the world. Perhaps some are from the ultimate frisbee team and I don't yet realize it. I hope this is the case. They are nice, respectable people. They enjoy adventuring together (though mostly brown street - I can't say they're the most exciting bunch yet, but they don't have cars so that's understandable). The ultimate frisbee team is a great start. I deeply hope Madi puts something together next year and keeps me in the loop, for I do not wish to see this group part ways.
I'm going to ignore the second one, that of which is through Devin Porter, a classmate in my Physics class. He's awesome, and a genuinely good person, but I wish to sleep soon. I became friends with one of his friends in founders. We went to the Empo together and ate cookie dough. It was overrated. His friend, Kat, and I went on a bike ride and embarrassed myself by accidentally disobeying traffic laws and applying my breaks so hard that I fall out of my bike onto the ground. I hurt my hand. It's been three weeks and part of it is still injured. I may have to see a doctor if this continues. The worst part is I had a piano recital the next day - so it hurt to play Joplin's Heliotrope Bouquet. I love that piece, but not as much as Breakmaster Cylinder's One Day We Will All Be Fours.
The last group is the theater group. Indeed, I know many of them from Grease, but it's been a few months, and it's an opportunity to start again. I will share my thoughts later. It's approaching 2:00am.
As I lay down in bed, I want to finalize this month's mini-experiment. By not being myself, I've learned how to become a better person, and there are three things I am going to do throughout the rest of the week and possibly the rest of my life assuming they deliver a positive impact.
First is Dale Carnegie's advice: do not criticize, condemn, or complain. Specifically, he was referring to individuals; however, I'm going to extend it to everything. I noticed myself complaining about actors several times, and I'm becoming childish. Like - I'm trying to win friendships by complaining about actors, which is childish and dumb. Sort-of. Some of the actors bother me. One of them bragged about her DUI charge, and she lost all of my respect. She shall go unnamed - but I hope she learns that it's not something to brag ab out. Actually - that leads me to consider whether or not to keep using snapchat. It's unprofessional, anecdotal, and it encourages me to show off some of my poor qualities once in a while. People give me positive feedback on the stores because they think my idea of self-deprivation is funny, but what I do on snapchat doesn't define me. With that thinking, I should either use Snapchat in a way that defines me, or stop using it. I will probably choose the latter.
Benjamin Franklin had a quote that really stuck out: "I shall speak Ill of no man, and all the good I know of everyone." I'm going to try and live that out. Not with people, but with everything. For the next week, when I catch myself complaining about anything, I'm going to move my watch from one side of my wrist to another. Obviously, there will be exceptions. It's okay to complain about some things, but 95% of my complaints (although I don't make a lot to begin with) are unfruitful. I'd like to remove those frivolous complaints.
Next, Kristin Fraley, during an active minds event, boosted my ego and overall happiness when she said "I love how Michael's like..." whatever I said. What I said wasn't important, but what was amazing was her feedback. Perhaps Kristin is too nice of a person to even realize that. She also thinks everything is funny (which is a great quality about her - she appreciates everything :) so that could be it too. Anyways, I'm going to try that a couple of times in friend groups. When someone says something funny, I'm going to use those words "I love how Becca's like..." It explicitly shows that I appreciate someone, and it makes the other person feel important.
The last thing is more experimental. I'm going to try and be more professional and see what happens. I'm going to carefully articulate my thoughts. I might choose to use aphorisms to offer advice rather than just listening to the other person. I might come off as "too smart." Maybe that's the goal. That might be a bad thing. We'll find out next week.
