[Crap, Romance] We Barely Know Ourselves
Over the past few weeks, I've gotten to know couples better and better, and the more I'm learning about them, the less encouraged I am to find that one true love forever and ever. My ideal marriage is unrealistic by the Disney brainwashed standards we all pretend to live by. I think I said somewhere earlier that I want to live with three or four other couples in a castle where we shall divide up our responsibilities. I'm good at fixing anything related to technology from servers to networks, so I would put myself in charge of keeping all equipment operational in that field, and I don't mind listening to podcasts while I unload the dishwasher. What I hate is vacuuming, so that job would go to someone else who doesn't mind vacuuming but hates cleaning up the kitchen. If they don't like cooking, that job goes to someone else, and I'd make the argument that we'd all be happier if we specialized and divided up the labor in our household so I can focus on my lighting design career and have breaks from raising my children.
Other people like this idea and have already said yes to doing this, but there's so many unknowns. My mother said that she sees a few people who "like like" me that I've had over, but I've certainly never reached out to them and she said they're probably too shy to do the same.
Everyday, I'm learning more about myself and I'm realizing that I'm finding it hard to understand other people. We all have qualities about ourselves that we don't share. Perhaps one obvious one that a lot of people share is sex. Now, I've never had sex, but I have the best birth control: acne. But plenty of people my age have. It's no secret that people my age have sex, and it's no secret that married couples have sex, but none of us ever talk about it. Instead, we pretend it doesn't exist just to our kids just like you'd put on more handsome clothes and shave your beard if you were going to a nice dinner. Yes, you want to dress appropriately for that steak dinner, so you might put on a shirt and tie, but that doesn't at all change who you are. It makes you look smarter and more accomplished, but in the end, your intelligence doesn't increase; however, that's the way we work.
Everyone says "be yourself," but that's hard to do. I have a friend who I raise my middle finger to when I see him and he gives me a middle finger back, but I never would do it to anyone else because that'd be so easily misinterpreted as hate than love of each other. I really love giving us the finger because we are satirically reminded of our love for one another in a way that we think is fun. I really don't understand why we do this, but we do and I enjoy it.
I'm also learning things about people I dated. Or one... person I dated. Situations came up where they took my hospitalization more serious than I did, and I was annoyed at them because I wanted to put it in the past and move on so long as it wasn't dangerous for me to do so. Obviously, I can't ride roller coasters, but I don't want to be mope on about how I had to get a shot at 4 AM in the morning or how I could've died.
I thought of myself as someone who was more emotional than other. I wanted to date and marry someone who I could share my feeling with, but now, I don't think I want to. I'd rather keep posting it on a blog that <5 people read and occasionally hear from in real life because what's the point of worrying; it seems like a waste of time that I can't get over. That's not to say I discourage all emotional decisions, but I just don't want to talk about my emotions as much as my mom wants to hear about my relationships with all my friends of whom I have absolutely no "relationship" with.
Bryce, my cousin sad he might set me up with someone. I have no idea what I'm doing, but nobody ever gets hired and immediately feels 100% comfortable with their job.
Other people like this idea and have already said yes to doing this, but there's so many unknowns. My mother said that she sees a few people who "like like" me that I've had over, but I've certainly never reached out to them and she said they're probably too shy to do the same.
Everyday, I'm learning more about myself and I'm realizing that I'm finding it hard to understand other people. We all have qualities about ourselves that we don't share. Perhaps one obvious one that a lot of people share is sex. Now, I've never had sex, but I have the best birth control: acne. But plenty of people my age have. It's no secret that people my age have sex, and it's no secret that married couples have sex, but none of us ever talk about it. Instead, we pretend it doesn't exist just to our kids just like you'd put on more handsome clothes and shave your beard if you were going to a nice dinner. Yes, you want to dress appropriately for that steak dinner, so you might put on a shirt and tie, but that doesn't at all change who you are. It makes you look smarter and more accomplished, but in the end, your intelligence doesn't increase; however, that's the way we work.
Everyone says "be yourself," but that's hard to do. I have a friend who I raise my middle finger to when I see him and he gives me a middle finger back, but I never would do it to anyone else because that'd be so easily misinterpreted as hate than love of each other. I really love giving us the finger because we are satirically reminded of our love for one another in a way that we think is fun. I really don't understand why we do this, but we do and I enjoy it.
I'm also learning things about people I dated. Or one... person I dated. Situations came up where they took my hospitalization more serious than I did, and I was annoyed at them because I wanted to put it in the past and move on so long as it wasn't dangerous for me to do so. Obviously, I can't ride roller coasters, but I don't want to be mope on about how I had to get a shot at 4 AM in the morning or how I could've died.
I thought of myself as someone who was more emotional than other. I wanted to date and marry someone who I could share my feeling with, but now, I don't think I want to. I'd rather keep posting it on a blog that <5 people read and occasionally hear from in real life because what's the point of worrying; it seems like a waste of time that I can't get over. That's not to say I discourage all emotional decisions, but I just don't want to talk about my emotions as much as my mom wants to hear about my relationships with all my friends of whom I have absolutely no "relationship" with.
Bryce, my cousin sad he might set me up with someone. I have no idea what I'm doing, but nobody ever gets hired and immediately feels 100% comfortable with their job.
