"You Look Sexy"

I have a sweater. I bought it before I went to London in a high school trip where I found several pictures of me in the sweater that was well covered up by a coat being that it was winter. The trip was only a week. I didn't know we were expected to sleep on the 7+ hour plane ride because after not sleeping and landing, we hit the ground running. We picked up our luggage, took the tube for 30 minutes from the Heathrow stop all the way to Elephant & Castle (as far out of the way as possible), dropped our stuff off, and ht the ground running. We went to St. Paul's Cathedral where I climbed stairs for 10+ minutes to get an amazing view. We tried to make guards in bearskin hats giggle and ate fish and chips a lot since that seemed to be the most popular thing everywhere. We went on a Jack the Ripper tour and a Harry Potter one. We went in an elaborate haunted house for some reason, but it was awesome. And I'm getting distracted but I only brought 3 sweaters and the sweater that I can't find a picture me wearing at the moment... I wore the brown one a lot.

This sweater was modest. It shows intelligence, and it shows seriousness. It's not formal, but it's not casual either. It can and is often worn under a white shirt with either a piano tie or a red Christmas time around the holiday seasons like it was tonight. It can be worn with black formal pants with black formal shoes, or as it was today, with blue jeans. Personally, I think it makes me look like poop, but everyone else seems to disagree because the most unique thing about this sweater is everyone seems to complement me when I wear it... whether I'm in blue jeans or dressing formal. Whether my hair was unmaintained and overgrown or well kept like it is now that I have plenty of free time to maintain myself. It's unusual to receive comments as a man; I rarely call anyone "good looking" regardless of gender, perhaps fear of awkwardness or perhaps my dread of appearing like someone overly concerned with looks. My behavior or not complementing people's looks seem sillier as I think about it; that's for a different post. In all of my life, I've rarely received comments from anyone besides family about my looks. One time I went hiking with an extremely close friend and she said I looked sexy in a pair of jeans. Other than that, the only other time I've been complement is when I wear this magical sweater. Specifically, it was a brown, cotton sweater so thick I wouldn't have been in the hospital if I'd wrap it around my head as a helmet.

In high school, it was simply complements. I didn't understand what I did to deserve them, but I learned later that it was the sweater's doing as well as mine. Tonight, I got something different. A married, young, "millennial" (to quote my mom) told me with a voice as sincere as Brad Majors that "You Look Sexy." I didn't know how to react to it, so I hesitated for a moment before saying "thank you?" cautiously, questioning whether I am truly thankful or not. I was not at all offended, in fact I was pleased with myself, but realizing it's an atypical and probably frowned upon in society, I maintained my caution. He realized my hesitation and mentioned again how my sweater, the hair, my shoes all look very sexy, to which I said earnestly "thank you" again. I felt bad because I genuinely didn't know how to appropriately respond. It makes me wonder now how I would respond to this in real life. Before, if it were someone I didn't know, I'd give a grim stare... but this person last night genuinely meant what he said with good intention. Yes, his word of choice was odd, but not everyone is the same. In fact, I don't want everyone to be the same, and I hate being the same as everyone else. I sent a friend (not a close one) a Christmas card with a stamped return envelope and a card to write back. She was a girl, and I know she won't take it the wrong way (especially since she's dating), but I still questioned whether what I was doing was okay to do.

Calling someone sexy to someone you don't know is not appropriate. But I was flattered. Nobody has ever called me that and meant it before. So are complements of appearance detestable, or are they genuinely appreciated? I already answered that, but maybe it's time I'm more lenient about my behaviors and more generous in my complements. I'd hate for people to get the wrong impression that I'm rudely hitting on them, but we're taught complements are polite.

Conclusion: give more complements to people. It makes them happier regardless of whether it's how they appear, act, or make you happy. Except under rare circumstances (ie. dating/close/joke), calling someone sexy is incongruous. Stick to "you look amazing."

For next time: how the hell do I respond to complements? "Thank you" or "I know" seem to underwhelming, insincere, or rude. It's happening with the sweater, it happens when people complement my intelligence, writing skills, piano playing, or tonight when I was complemented on my drum-set competence.