Back Massages & The Importance of Touch
This week was rather rough for reasons I won't get into, but a significant reason was that I was in a moderate amount of pain. In years past, I knew I was inflexible, but it was never a problem, but this year, it's a problem. I'm studying all the time, and when I'm not studying, I'm playing piano (or eating ice cream or at Boll).
In the last week, I've considered going to a massage therapist and finding asking for a stretching coach where I did gymnastics a few weeks back. Or frankly, I could just join gymnastics club and focus on stretching. That's probably a lot less expensive and I should think about that. Aside from that last idea; however, these things cost money. That's not a bad thing - but I feel like these are things I should be able to do without paying people money... but there's social norms standing in my way, and my challenge this week is to figure out how to get past those by finding someone to stretch with and finding someone to give/receive massages with on a somewhat weekly basis.
I've asked around a little bit to see who's interested, but I'm having a hard time finding people who are honest. Not that they're lying, but I can't 100% gauge what they actually want. Let's compare this to asking for consent. When you ask for consent to do it, you have to get a firm "yes" from the other person... and if they say "yeah... let's see" or anything other than "Yes" or "Sure" you're not supposed to do anything? I don't have sex or anything... but I apply that logic to everything else. So when asking around for a stretching partner, I've gotten zero firm Sure's and Yes's... probably because everything has asterisks. If someone were asking that to me, I'd probably want to know who, where, when, and it's hard to explain that quickly.
I should also note my sample size so far is two people who are friends, but not close friends.
If it's a guy... it feels kind of weird. Most guys don't talk to other guys about... a lot more than I thought now that I'm thinking about it. I know personal things about one of my room mates, but I live with two other people and I don't really know they're personal lives. Yeah - I know all about what they do here, but there's probably so much I don't know about them that I would if they were a girl. Shakespeare said to wear your heart on your sleeve. Most guys don't. And that is why I'm uncomfortable asking a lot of guys for massages and to be stretching partners. Is it necessary for my physical health? Yes. Social norms are stopping me. The same goes for massages. Although now that I'm thinking about it - this is stereotyping at it's finest. Categorizing all guys, including me, into people that don't usually talk about their feelings to other guys. And that's not true.
The stereotype is a curse and a blessing. My room mates are great at being a distraction. We watch movies on a 80" projector. Noah and I talked about armored vehicles and how if you make shielding at an angle, it deflects most bullets. And then there's armored-piercing ones which have mini bombs in them. That's the things guys talk about it. Clay10 and I get a little more personal on occasion. I go to them when I want a distraction, and even though I'm sure they would support me if I need to talk about something deep and personal, that's surely not the norm.
There are stereotypes for girls too; there's no need to list them. There are also expectations for how to interact with most girls... and for guys... or maybe at least for me, touching them is a risk. Unless it's a hug, a touch is a sign that a you like like a girl. A sign that you want something more than a friendship. A sign that creeps people out and makes people feel either amazing or uncomfortable. And usually, I err on the side of caution. Touch gets to me, and I love it whenever anyone touches me, even holding hands as friends or something like that. I've held hands with guys before and it's no big deal, but the moment I hold hands with a girl, it looks like something else that leads to confusion and conflict. I wish that weren't true; I love the power of touch that's lacking in society today, but that's the truth of it.
One person is changing this social norm. Sarah Newman. I thought she was a crazy theater peep at first. When I met her first, she gave me a hug, and I was really surprised at this because normally when you meet for the first time, they don't give you a hug. I would love to give anyone I meet for the first time a hug, but that doesn't happen, usually, unless your Sarah Newman. Even now, she usually initiates the hugs, but recently, I've been trying to change that up and be the first person to initiate the hug. I'm trying to expand that to other people and see how they react, but overall, I think it's good. Hugging shows a sign of trust and friendship - the world needs more of those affirmations.
I don't have a sufficient answer to my predicament yet. Not the whole falling in love thing and social expectations, but the "how to find a stretching partner" question. The next steps are to keep asking around and trying to get a "Yes!" I have classes with a few people who dance. I'll ask them. They're girls, but they dance... and they're probably used to it and need to stretch anyways.
In the last week, I've considered going to a massage therapist and finding asking for a stretching coach where I did gymnastics a few weeks back. Or frankly, I could just join gymnastics club and focus on stretching. That's probably a lot less expensive and I should think about that. Aside from that last idea; however, these things cost money. That's not a bad thing - but I feel like these are things I should be able to do without paying people money... but there's social norms standing in my way, and my challenge this week is to figure out how to get past those by finding someone to stretch with and finding someone to give/receive massages with on a somewhat weekly basis.
I've asked around a little bit to see who's interested, but I'm having a hard time finding people who are honest. Not that they're lying, but I can't 100% gauge what they actually want. Let's compare this to asking for consent. When you ask for consent to do it, you have to get a firm "yes" from the other person... and if they say "yeah... let's see" or anything other than "Yes" or "Sure" you're not supposed to do anything? I don't have sex or anything... but I apply that logic to everything else. So when asking around for a stretching partner, I've gotten zero firm Sure's and Yes's... probably because everything has asterisks. If someone were asking that to me, I'd probably want to know who, where, when, and it's hard to explain that quickly.
I should also note my sample size so far is two people who are friends, but not close friends.
If it's a guy... it feels kind of weird. Most guys don't talk to other guys about... a lot more than I thought now that I'm thinking about it. I know personal things about one of my room mates, but I live with two other people and I don't really know they're personal lives. Yeah - I know all about what they do here, but there's probably so much I don't know about them that I would if they were a girl. Shakespeare said to wear your heart on your sleeve. Most guys don't. And that is why I'm uncomfortable asking a lot of guys for massages and to be stretching partners. Is it necessary for my physical health? Yes. Social norms are stopping me. The same goes for massages. Although now that I'm thinking about it - this is stereotyping at it's finest. Categorizing all guys, including me, into people that don't usually talk about their feelings to other guys. And that's not true.
The stereotype is a curse and a blessing. My room mates are great at being a distraction. We watch movies on a 80" projector. Noah and I talked about armored vehicles and how if you make shielding at an angle, it deflects most bullets. And then there's armored-piercing ones which have mini bombs in them. That's the things guys talk about it. Clay10 and I get a little more personal on occasion. I go to them when I want a distraction, and even though I'm sure they would support me if I need to talk about something deep and personal, that's surely not the norm.
There are stereotypes for girls too; there's no need to list them. There are also expectations for how to interact with most girls... and for guys... or maybe at least for me, touching them is a risk. Unless it's a hug, a touch is a sign that a you like like a girl. A sign that you want something more than a friendship. A sign that creeps people out and makes people feel either amazing or uncomfortable. And usually, I err on the side of caution. Touch gets to me, and I love it whenever anyone touches me, even holding hands as friends or something like that. I've held hands with guys before and it's no big deal, but the moment I hold hands with a girl, it looks like something else that leads to confusion and conflict. I wish that weren't true; I love the power of touch that's lacking in society today, but that's the truth of it.
One person is changing this social norm. Sarah Newman. I thought she was a crazy theater peep at first. When I met her first, she gave me a hug, and I was really surprised at this because normally when you meet for the first time, they don't give you a hug. I would love to give anyone I meet for the first time a hug, but that doesn't happen, usually, unless your Sarah Newman. Even now, she usually initiates the hugs, but recently, I've been trying to change that up and be the first person to initiate the hug. I'm trying to expand that to other people and see how they react, but overall, I think it's good. Hugging shows a sign of trust and friendship - the world needs more of those affirmations.
I don't have a sufficient answer to my predicament yet. Not the whole falling in love thing and social expectations, but the "how to find a stretching partner" question. The next steps are to keep asking around and trying to get a "Yes!" I have classes with a few people who dance. I'll ask them. They're girls, but they dance... and they're probably used to it and need to stretch anyways.
